You know, I’m definitely feeling a tad moody today, so I suppose I’ll just run with it for now. Again, I thought I had something much more intelligent to talk about today, but it’s not in me at the moment, so maybe this will help instead, aimless as it may be. It’s going to be cryptic, and that’s ok. I know what I mean and I suppose that’s all that counts.
There’s a saying that you can’t go home again, and I suppose that’s true. Home doesn’t even have to be a specific place, I don’t think. It can be a feeling or a state of mind, maybe. I have a tendency to look back at the past as a sort of home, memories blurring until all I can remember are the good things, or maybe I’m just seeing them with rose-colored glasses. Seeing what I want to see. I don’t know if that makes it any less a ‘home’, but I’m sure things were never as rosy as I tend to paint them, even now.
That doesn’t make me crave them any less. And yet, I have no real desire to have things go back to the way things were before. There’s no growth in that. All things move forward, so I guess I have to decide am I going to be pulled along or am I going to lead the way?
I can’t deny that there’s a part of me that wishes I’d never started down the path I’ve entered, but there is definitely no turning back at this point. The sad thing is that it’s a choice that I made, so if I’ve fucked it up, I’ve got no one to blame but myself.