Crap Cartoon of the Day

It’s not much fun hanging at home with a sick kid. Connor’s been running a steady temp since yesterday (and it’s already starting to creep up again, so I suspect we’ll be home again tomorrow.)

However, one of the “perks” of being home with him is the constant drone of the TV. And when he’s that miserable, I don’t mind if he wants to play XBox until his brains fall out. (Hell, if it’s Lego StarWars or Harry Potter, I’m all over it.)

Usually, though, it’s a steady stream of Spongebob, Transformers, Star Wars and whatever the movie of the week is. (How to Train Your Dragon is on heavy rotation at the moment.)

This afternoon, though, we managed to catch a few utterly craptastic episodes of Z Evo 3, or whatever it is. The fact that it’s really nothing more than a big commercial for Sketchers should have been my first clue. The heroes are all sorta named after sneakers. Or at least the cool ones are. Villains have names like Stankfoot and Blacktop. (Clever, eh?)

So you’ve got cool male hero number one, known as  Z-Strap. According to the Nick website:

As Z-Strap, Jason can also transform all or part of his body into living metal, with all the attendant properties of whichever metal he chooses. He can even fire metal spikes from his hands and transform his limbs into various simple metallic weapons and tools. Eventually, with concentration he can change his entire body into mercury and flow through or around obstacles as “Liquid Z-Strap.”

And cool male hero number two, Kewl Breeze. According to the Nick website, he is :

an electronics whiz, able to accomplish almost anything by hacking software or hardware to suit his purposes. As Kewl Breeze, Matt has the power to cool, chill, or freeze things solid with his breath. He can also produce seemingly limitless ice from his fingertips, or encase his foes in a solid ice block.

And okay. Stupid thing with the shoes, but elemental powers are pretty standard for super heroes, so I’ll buy that. And then we have the token girl super hero (Matt’s sister.) Her name is Elastica. Not very promising, really. According to the Nick website:

As Elastika, in addition to super-strength, resilience, and flight, Ellie has prehensile hair: She can use her hair to grasp, lift, and manipulate objects, sort of like tentacles or pseudopods. When used in this way, her hair has far greater tensile strength than steel, and a great deal of elasticity.

Yup. Her brother and friend get super awesome powers…token girl has tentacle hair. Pink tentacle hair, in fact. And she sucks. The first episode she was pretty much completely useless. She might have saved a hapless bystander, but when it came to defending the big bad, she did nothing but get wrapped up by giant plant tentacles. (Hello, dreams of hentai, much?) Even when she managed to capture the big bad, she was easily thrown off and swallowed by a giant plant. And her bro had to save her. And she was passed out when they got her out.

And you know, I’d overlook that except the second episode was just as worthless – within two minutes of starting, girlfriend ended up in a coma. For the entire 30 minutes. She got a few weirdo dream sequences, while the other two figured out a way to save her. Again. (Z-Strap got shrunk down by Kewl Breeze into microscopic form and then eaten by Blacktop to somehow get the antibodies to heal her. Which is again, sort of a cool concept, but simply based on how useless her powers are, it’s not like they could have swapped her out for one of the other ones.)

So many levels of wrongness here. And yes, obviously I had too much time to ponder this sort of thing today, but it’s not like I had a whole lot going on.

Don’t think we’ll be watching it tomorrow, though.

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