I had to go bathing suit shopping tonight. Well, actually, I really had to go suit shopping for Lucy, but I figured I’d see if I could find something new for myself. It seems to get harder every year and even though they now sell things as separate pieces, the upper half styles just aren’t particularly flattering on me.

Regardless of my current age, for some reason my head still seems to want to picture myself how I was back in high school – all 110 pounds of me. I was an athlete and decently tan and even if my Jersey hair left a little something to be desired, I usually felt pretty good about myself.

So there’s always a measure of suck to have to try on clothes and realize that I’m about 20 pounds past that time – to have to see the places that sag and bulge and don’t fit quite like they used to. I always feel a little surprised to see just how wide my backside really is these days or that my stomach isn’t flat. Like I’ve forgotten what life has done to my figure or my skin or the grey in my hair.

It’s a funny thing, perception. I suppose it can make some people delusional – i.e. thinking that they’re going to be a movie star or a famous athlete when it’s clear they won’t be, but I also think it can be used as a buttress of sorts, a way of displaying more confidence in your abilities than you might normally have.  

In my case, I’ve perceived I’ll probably never manage to squeeze into a bikini again.

I’ve also learned that board shorts cover a multitude of sins.

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