I’ve been a bit lax on weighing myself the last while. I went on WW last year and lost a total of 28 pounds, a few pounds shy of my “goal weight.” I actually felt a little *too* thin there, so I’ve been maintaining anywhere between 127 to 130 and I’ve been pretty happy with that. However, I think I’ve gotten a little lazy – definitely eating more, not paying attention to the scale, convincing myself that ignorance really is bliss. Today I weighed about 131. 131.4, to be exact. Ok, so it’s not even remotely the end of the world. My pants still fit fine, I’m not “feeling fat”, but I have to wonder – is this how it all starts? Sure, it’s an extra pound or two and I can live with that, but what about a few weeks from now, or a few months from now? Will it be yet another pound or two?
It seems to me that’s how a lot of things start. Or maybe how they stop, really. You make a commitment, a goal and you attempt to stick with it. And then little by little, they slide. “Oh I’ll skip doing x just this one time”, or “one more tiny brownie won’t hurt.” Before you know it, you’re weighing an extra 10 pounds or an extra 20 pounds, or you’ve stopped writing or reading or editing.
So, it becomes a fine balance, like everything else. How much is too much? How do you temper giving yourself a break once in a while to recharge without falling back into old patterns or bad habits? I tend to swing the other way sometimes, where I can’t let go of anything at all. It makes for little sleep – and lousy sleep, at that. But my mind just can’t stop moving. I feel completely worthless if I even take a few moments to myself – as though my only self-worth is in being productive in some fashion. I’m not really fond of the feeling, but I’m not really sure how to stop it at this point. After all, it’s just an extra pound, isn’t it?