Crap Cartoon of the Day

It’s not much fun hanging at home with a sick kid. Connor’s been running a steady temp since yesterday (and it’s already starting to creep up again, so I suspect we’ll be home again tomorrow.)

However, one of the “perks” of being home with him is the constant drone of the TV. And when he’s that miserable, I don’t mind if he wants to play XBox until his brains fall out. (Hell, if it’s Lego StarWars or Harry Potter, I’m all over it.)

Usually, though, it’s a steady stream of Spongebob, Transformers, Star Wars and whatever the movie of the week is. (How to Train Your Dragon is on heavy rotation at the moment.)

This afternoon, though, we managed to catch a few utterly craptastic episodes of Z Evo 3, or whatever it is. The fact that it’s really nothing more than a big commercial for Sketchers should have been my first clue. The heroes are all sorta named after sneakers. Or at least the cool ones are. Villains have names like Stankfoot and Blacktop. (Clever, eh?)

So you’ve got cool male hero number one, known as  Z-Strap. According to the Nick website:

As Z-Strap, Jason can also transform all or part of his body into living metal, with all the attendant properties of whichever metal he chooses. He can even fire metal spikes from his hands and transform his limbs into various simple metallic weapons and tools. Eventually, with concentration he can change his entire body into mercury and flow through or around obstacles as “Liquid Z-Strap.”

And cool male hero number two, Kewl Breeze. According to the Nick website, he is :

an electronics whiz, able to accomplish almost anything by hacking software or hardware to suit his purposes. As Kewl Breeze, Matt has the power to cool, chill, or freeze things solid with his breath. He can also produce seemingly limitless ice from his fingertips, or encase his foes in a solid ice block.

And okay. Stupid thing with the shoes, but elemental powers are pretty standard for super heroes, so I’ll buy that. And then we have the token girl super hero (Matt’s sister.) Her name is Elastica. Not very promising, really. According to the Nick website:

As Elastika, in addition to super-strength, resilience, and flight, Ellie has prehensile hair: She can use her hair to grasp, lift, and manipulate objects, sort of like tentacles or pseudopods. When used in this way, her hair has far greater tensile strength than steel, and a great deal of elasticity.

Yup. Her brother and friend get super awesome powers…token girl has tentacle hair. Pink tentacle hair, in fact. And she sucks. The first episode she was pretty much completely useless. She might have saved a hapless bystander, but when it came to defending the big bad, she did nothing but get wrapped up by giant plant tentacles. (Hello, dreams of hentai, much?) Even when she managed to capture the big bad, she was easily thrown off and swallowed by a giant plant. And her bro had to save her. And she was passed out when they got her out.

And you know, I’d overlook that except the second episode was just as worthless – within two minutes of starting, girlfriend ended up in a coma. For the entire 30 minutes. She got a few weirdo dream sequences, while the other two figured out a way to save her. Again. (Z-Strap got shrunk down by Kewl Breeze into microscopic form and then eaten by Blacktop to somehow get the antibodies to heal her. Which is again, sort of a cool concept, but simply based on how useless her powers are, it’s not like they could have swapped her out for one of the other ones.)

So many levels of wrongness here. And yes, obviously I had too much time to ponder this sort of thing today, but it’s not like I had a whole lot going on.

Don’t think we’ll be watching it tomorrow, though.

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8 Responses to Crap Cartoon of the Day

  1. Tahlia Newland says:

    We spend so much time getting our novels just right, I wonder just how much time the writers spend on some of these TV shows.

  2. Jeffe says:

    Very annoying. Prehensile sex hair??? OMFG.

  3. Kay Theodoratus says:

    What happened to the hissing snake heads on the ends of the tresses?

  4. mynfel says:

    <span>You know, turning people to stone would actually be *useful*. And dangerous. And snakes are kinda cool.   
    But snakes are phallic. Therefore, she would be taking male power into herself, without an actual man's assistance.   
    People have problems with that sort of thing, I'm told. Something about women not being treated as chattel.   
    And then our precious little boys would feel emasculated when they watched the show. Guess we can't have that. </span>

  5. ~Sia McKye~ says:

    Your site doesn't like me today. So screw it, You know who I am, even if your blog doesn't. Sheesh.

    Allison, I'm thinking A. you need to step away from the TV, B. have some adult content to contemplate. Poor you and poor Conner. This stuff going around is nasty. Be sure to take care of you too.

    ps, I'll take Sponge Bob (even tho I think I've seen them all at least 2 or 3 times) over this glorified shoe Ad show.

    Hugs sweetie!

  6. Renee says:

    <p><span>Sorry to hear that Connor is not feeling well. At least he has the TV to distract him a bit. Never heard of the cartoon series you talked about, but it certainly does sound like Elastica got the short end of the super power stick. Any female writers on that show, I wonder?</span></p>

  7. Martin says:

    Ironically, I found this article today on Ars Technica.

    Friend of yours?

  8. Danica says:

    OMG…on Saturday, my cousin's husband came over to help repair our bathroom and he brought his 8-year-old daughter with him. Since I'm not good with drills, I watched her and this is what we watched! It was God awful, I agree. I mean, whatever happened to cool cartoons like Voltron?? Or the Cows of Moo Mesa? Hello! Talking cows! (Okay, I didn't watch that last one, but my brother did and it was still better than…this thing!)

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