The Irony of Success

You know, this week has been a bit of a blur. I’m ass-deep in edits again, which is fine, and then I had the added bonus of finding out my book is on Amazon.

Which is brilliant.

And terribly scary.

My dad bought 10 copies. His girlfriend bought 5. My mother-in-law bought 6. Many of my co-workers pre-ordered, as did some my lovely P&T members, and some of my fellow David Garrett fangirl friends.  And this is pretty damn awesome.

But I can’t help but worry now if people will like it or not. And it’s not that I’ll mind if they don’t – after all, you can’t please everyone, and I doubt everyone’s taste is similiar.

It’s more a sense of expectation, I think. Getting published is like this golden bell hanging in the sky. People think it’s hard to get published (and it is), so when you do manage it, they expect what you produce to be good. So for me there’s a bit of pressure that I’m not used to having. I trust my beta readers and my CPs and my editor, of course – they’ll tell me what works and what doesn’t. But knowing that my dad is probably just going to hand out copies of the thing to his employees or that the boss of my boss bought copies for his wife *and* his niece?

It’s a little nerve-racking.

What if people think it sucks? I’m sure my family members have been building this sense of excitement up among their friends, because, yes – it is pretty damn cool. But the tiny voice of doubt niggles at me anyway – what if I’m just a fraud? A hack? What if my coworkers suddenly think I’m a freak because I write about weird shit like daemons and unicorns and smutty sex with said daemons?  All of a sudden I’m in a meeting and talking about mail servers – but are they going to be listening to that? Or thinking about the fact that I wrote about preternational erections and bacon in the same sentence?

I just don’t want to let anyone down, I guess. And part of this is brought on because I’m reading and rereading my edits to such an extreme right now. After a while, everything on the page looks like crap so it’s hard to keep things in perspective.

This seems a bit rambly and I apologize for that. I’m just feeling a little disconcerted by the prospect of potentially having a colossal failure in public.

But that is part of the business as well, so excuse me for a few moment while I grow a few extra layers of skin. 😉

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15 Responses to The Irony of Success

  1. KathTea says:

    Don't think of what might happen. Just think of the present ^^

  2. Danica says:

    Saturday morning I went to my favorite used book store to thank the owner for supporting me in my writing and while I was there, we were talking books and writing. I mentioned 'Yeah, I have an on-line writing friend who has a book coming out in January which is just so awesome.' Before I knew it, she'd pulled your name up and bookmarked it 😉  It's a great thing that you have so much support from your friends and family. There will be critics, you know that, but you have to continue to believe in yourself and your writing. Your agent believes in you and so does your editor, otherwise you wouldn't be in the spot you're in now. You'll be fabu!

  3. mynfel says:

    *hugs*

    I'm not sure what I've done to deserve such an awesome friend, but thank-you, so much. 🙂

    Consider the favor repaid when yours comes out!! 😀

  4. mynfel says:

    Best advice I think I've had in weeks. 🙂

  5. bluey says:

    Dude! I can't wait for my copy – 'cause I know it's going to rock. (I have it on pre-order!!!)

  6. mynfel says:

    *squeep*

    Thanks chica.  I hope I can deliver. 🙂

  7. Simon says:

    It's awesome that you've so many people lined up to read your books, Myn. If my current novel gets published, I will probably tell my mother not to read it. Most of my family and about 50% of my RL friends would be offended by the content. What can I do about that? Nothing. Just write the best friggin' version of that book that I can and sell the hell out of it to people who won't be offended.

    We write the stories that come to us. Damn the torpedoes… full speed ahead! Forward the Light Brigade! FTW!

  8. Danielle says:

    I know it's a scary thing, but you're super talented, chica! And I also know that the more you read it, the more the words seem to jumble and everything seems to be less….less…., well, just less. But it's not. That's the annoying mirage of editing haha It's natural, I promise. And when you have the finished product in your hands, it's going to be worth it and you'll remember just why it is you got published in the first place. You deserve it.

  9. murr brewster says:

    I think the beauty of contemplating a colossal failure in public is no one will ever know about it.  Huh?

  10. LynnM says:

    I once heard a writer describe herself as a "screaming introvert."  I think it was J. A. Jance, so consider the source.  We're (dare I include myself in this group?) full of insecurities, but that doesn't stop our passion for putting down the words. Your time to shine is almost here.  Enjoy it!

    BTW, I'm trying to make your hamster fat, but it's not working.

  11. mynfel says:

    Heh. I don't know if the hamster actually changes shape. LOL. 

    And yes, we're all sort of included in this group, actually. At least that's how I see it. 🙂

  12. mynfel says:

    LOL. Hopefully, anyway.

  13. mynfel says:

    Truly, I'm not sure I deserve you. 🙂

  14. Regina says:

    Breathe. Always allow yourself that. Plus believe in yourself. We believe in you. 

  15. mynfel says:

    Breathing! 

    It's a heady thing. 🙂

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