I’ve never been one for resolutions, New Year’s or otherwise. Maybe it’s because they never really worked for me. Or if they did, they only worked for a short period. There’s something sort of odd about convincing myself I would start changing my behavior on x date. Like at this one arbitrary moment in time, I would wiggle my nose and all my bad habits would be gone.
Which is bullshit, of course. Take weight loss, for example. I’d pussyfooted around with different diets over the years to try to lose the extra baby weight I’d gained, but I usually couldn’t get through more than a few weeks (or in the case of an actual goal – i.e. vacation, as soon as I got back from said event, it would be back to stuffing myself with mac & cheese).
The long and short of it is that I had to *want* to change. I had to create a plan and stick with it, even when it didn’t seem like it was doing anything. But the wanting is the key. Plans are only so good as the people who actually follow them. Buying books on weight loss and a scale and and a massive exercise machine only gets you so far.
These days, it’s my lack of organization that bugs me. Not even for writing so much, as just what is probably a rather inefficient use of my time. That and the complete nightmare that is my house. Normally I’m too busy to even acknowledge the clutter, but the last four days of my mini vacation involved the entire family in rather close quarters, which opened my eyes to it a bit more than usual. Hence the massive closet cleaning.
Of course, the weird thing about cleaning clutter is that it sometimes has to get worse before it gets better. I had to rip my room and closet apart to get at the stuff I was getting rid of so that I could make a better space for the stuff I was going to keep. And judging by the mountain of socks sitting beside my bed, I haven’t quite gotten there yet. (Honestly, I’m about ready to just chuck the whole pile and buy new ones that match.)
Still. It’s a mess. And I know that even with this latest sweep, things probably won’t get any better. Partially because of the kids (who seem to implode a room the moment they step into it), and partially because I’m too damn lazy to give a shit most days.
However, with the in-law situation being what it is (and potential lack of hubby for a while), the need to study for my job, the writing, my new position as FF&P webmaster, my own forums, etc, I suddenly feel the need to have a cleaner place to retreat to. So now I’ve got this urge to really crank down to try to “fix it.” Or paint the walls. Or something. I’m not sure how long it will last, honestly. Probably until tonight when I get home and feed the kids and try to get Connor through the homework he should have been doing over the last week. And then I’ll sit down and pass out somewhere and ignore it again tomorrow.
And yes, the title of this post seems a bit more exciting than the post turned out to be.
Gonna go launder my karma.